Today was a grey day.
This for me is hard to say but today was a grey day. I pay little attention to the opinion of others but some things I hear resonate with me. In the murmur of a crowd some words sound fucking loud. I hear mindless shit all day. If you mix all the colours they just make grey.
Today was a grey day.
In this grey I hear words that drag me down. I feel like I've stumbled into an alley in the rough side of town. I'm barely treading water and I'm feeling like I'm gonna drown. But no one shouts man over board or mayday.
Today was a grey day.
These words might not be words, but they still make my ears ring. It could be a look. A look that shouts something. A look that says "I know What you are but I wish you weren't". A look that says "is this my prize, is this all I've earned?". A look that says " oh him? Yeah he's just ok" .
Today was a grey day.
The truth is; its not words of others that are upsetting, but how they remind me that I hate myself. It's like a confirmation bias. I'm waiting for someone else to say it and then it must be true. They don't like you, and so don't you. Days like this I don't know what to do, some people drink or smoke, cry or scream. But I'm tired. I should be fired up telling those loud noises They can fuck off. Is that the best you've got? Go on, take another shot. I should beat the shit out of people, make them pay. I should be Red with anger!
...but today is a grey day.
