Lonely, but not only alone. My own thoughts have left me. Is this what I wanted? No. But its what I've got. What I wanted was a wifey, 30 years under our belts. But what I got was 18 months. 18 glorious months. It felt like a lifetime and no time at all. Falling in love was effortless. It was breathing, it was walking with huge strides, feeling like some of your steps didn't hit the ground. I found money in pockets and things about myself I thought I'd never find again, and when she said I want a break, the only thing that broke was my heart. Starting to claw the jagged pieces back together my hands are cut to ribbons. Given time, ill be alright. There's fight in this old dog. But at the moment I feel like a puppy out in the cold. Much like dog years, time without her has felt longer, I hunger for her.
Ultimately these points are moot, she doesn't love me, she lined up the shot but had no arrows to shoot. Fruitless though it was not. 18 months of happiness was worth years of not.
