Grief and disbelief, chiefly stirred my thoughts of late.
hate to be the bearer of bad news but it’s true sometimes in life you lose.
lose your job, lose money, just lose.
put yourself in my comically big shoes.
I took a stand, and as a result have spent months just sitting around.
found out that I’ve been living a lie.
hence the grief.
the hypothetical thief.
what if you were normal?
what if you had help?
we’re all a bit autistic really!
oh we are?!
Do you cry doing the big shop as well?
thought as much.
I’ve never felt like such a burden.
A necessary evil.
A show pony that you don’t mind parading around but the upkeep is ridiculous.
it would be kinder to just shoot me in the face.
However, today is January the first.
A magical day in the world I live in, a completely arbitrary day in which we mark our planets journey around the sun, something our planet has done without our assistance, intervention or permission for millennia. Both before us and will I’m sure it will continue resolutely on its path long after we are extinct.
If magic is real then I deserve some, so on this first day of 365 (arbitrary number of) days. In the 2025th year after we deemed it necessary to count years. I Lixy; do solemnly swear to be nicer to myself and also to the person who deserves everything and has settled for me, not even second best.
2025 is a year I didn’t think I’d make it to. I’m not old or anything, I just thought I’d have had the guts for suicide by now. How funny the idea of how for years I thought of the ending without seeing if the movie was good or not.
for clarity’s sake, I’m good.
stood tougher tests.
plus I’ve been glad of the rest.
I’ve just got the one resolution this revolution.
do my best.